Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
