I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Farmville is her only friend.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
