Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
