that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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