I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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