I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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