please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
