i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well I can't set my house on fire every night
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
