If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
