What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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