That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize