I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
