That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
