Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
