I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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