so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm both gender and math confused
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize