i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
