Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
