After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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