i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
