If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
