hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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