Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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