I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
