Your tits are I can't wait for
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
