Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
