I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize