some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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