Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
