I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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