those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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