dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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