my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
