o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
