My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
