I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
