Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
