so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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