Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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