how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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