I feel great
I just peed on a car
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
