Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
