Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize