my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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