he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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