I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
