my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
