True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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