i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
