He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
