I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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