I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
