I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
