First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
