they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
