Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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