plz talk dirty to me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize