When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize