morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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