Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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