I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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