i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
