Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
