Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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