This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
