Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
