It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
